


In The Closet (Your Dad's Closet, Specifically)

by UnhelpfulPanda



Series: Dave Strider and Friends - Tales of a Trans Man [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Gender Issues, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Trans Character, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Roxy Lalonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 02:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14606925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnhelpfulPanda/pseuds/UnhelpfulPanda
Summary: "Your name is Raven Strider, and that's never bothered you before... But now, the name buried itself in your gut like a knife and twisted."Raven Strider begins to feel like she may not be quite as cis as she thought she was. Or at all, really. But she doesn't know how to unpack those feelings yet, so instead she unpacks her deceased father's belongings. And boy, was that man a hoarder! What will Raven uncover??





	1. Please Use Language that is SFM (Safe for Mom)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another part of this series! Here's the relevant naming guide, to refresh your memory!
> 
> NAMING GUIDE:  
> ~ Raven Strider - Dave Strider's (future) deadname; he hasn't realized he's trans or picked the name Dave yet  
> ~ Duke Strider - Bro Strider's legal name  
> ~ Roxanna Lalonde - Mom Lalonde, Rose and Roxy's mother, the Striders' aunt, and technically Raven's stepmom  
> ~ Dave "D" Strider - Raven's biological father, Dirk/Bro's uncle, Rose/Roxy's stepdad, famous director

            Your name is Raven Strider, and that's never bothered you before. Ravens are beautiful, majestic, and highly intelligent birds. Your first creepy dead thing in a jar had, in fact, been a raven; Dirk had tried to freak you out when he found it on one of the shelves of a dumb souvenir shop. He waved it in your face menacingly, cackling about how you better watch out or you would faint from how creepy it was.

            Instead, you had snatched it away and begged Bro to buy it for you. You sat on the floor of the dirty shop and wailed until Bro gave in and bought his 6 year old sister a dead bird in a jar. In the car, Dirk informed you that you were the weirdest girl on the face of the planet, and you calmly leaned over and spit into his bag of chips, getting your new souvenir confiscated for the rest of the day.

            .....What were you talking about again?

            Oh, yeah. Your name never used to bother you. But now, the name buried itself in your gut like a knife and twisted. Every time someone called your name, you couldn't help but think about how _girly_ it sounded. You sometimes wanted to shout, to tell them to _stop calling you that_ , even if it _is_ your name. It was a girly name and you hated it, even if it shouldn't bother you to have a girly name; after all, you _were_ a girl. But no matter how hard you tried to bury your confusion and unease with that simple statement, it still didn't change the fact that said statement felt _wrong_.

            But you decided to move on from dwelling on your current gender crisis, focus returning to where you were sitting in your room, doodling in Paint with your mouse and then purposefully corrupting the doodles just enough to make them look horrifying.

            You were a decent artist, not to brag or anything, but there was something hilarious about making things purposefully look bad when you had the power to make them look nice. It reminded you of D Strider's movies, actually. You had found a few of his serious short films on some hipster movie streaming site, and he was an amazing director. His mainstream movies were _purposefully_ done like shit, and it was the funniest fucking thing to you. He would make fun of Hollywood all the fucking time, and they still ate his movies up without realizing they were praising things made to mock them. The man was a genius...

            You still couldn't believe your favorite director turned out to be your fucking dad. It would be like a dream come true if you hadn't found the fact out two weeks after he had died. Roxanna had told you his death was ruled an accident, but the way she said it made you think she didn't really believe it. And then when you began to question her more, she interrupted you with a quick, "Don't ask so many questions, sweetheart," and hastily changed the subject. You were so shocked to hear her give you the same line your dad had given you in your dream that you hadn't pressed her further.

            Speaking of your aunt, Roxanna was knocking on your door. "Raven, sweetheart, why don't you come out into the living room with the rest of the family?" She suggested. You resisted the urge to cringe as you were called _that name_ again. There was nothing else for her to call you, after all. And even if you _did_ have a name you preferred, how would you bring it up? How would you explain to her why you don't want a 'girl name' when you yourself didn't quite know? Or, rather, you were pretty sure you _knew_ , you just weren't sure you wanted to _admit it_.

            You shook the train of thought from your head and followed Roxanna out into the living room, taking in the scene once there. It looked like Roxanna was in the middle of cooking dinner, since she refused to eat shitty takeout when she was down to visit. The three of you rarely ate anything other than said shitty takeout, so none of you would turn down a delicious homecooked meal.

            Roxy and Dirk were playing a video game, and Dirk had quickly realized upon first playing with Roxy that he had met his maker. Dirk knew the combos for one or two of the player characters. Roxy somehow knew the combos for almost every character _and_ she knew a bunch of different glitches and continually used them to kick Dirk's ass. It filled you with the saltiest of joy, since you could never beat Dirk yourself.

            Beside them on the couch sat Rose and Bro. Bro was fixing a rip in one of his puppets (the normal, family-safe ones; he kept his gross smuppets tucked away when Roxanna and the girls were here) and occasionally commented on Dirk and Roxy's gaming. Rose was reading a huge book, engrossed in the small text on the page. You were sure no other 11 year olds read books like that, but Rose was a bit odd anyways.

            "Motherfucker!" Dirk exclaimed as Roxy shrieked with laughter. This round, she had somehow managed to beat him without incurring a single point of damage herself. It was a challenge to break Dirk's chill facade, but a challenge that you and Roxy loved to partake in. She was just much better at it than you were.

            Roxanna called in a scolding tone, "Dirk, watch your language!" from her place in the kitchen. She was well aware of the foul mouth attached to the whole household, but it didn't stop her from making admonishing comments about any swearing that went on in front of her.

            Still, none of you ever paid said comments much attention, and this time was no exception. "Sorry, mom," Dirk said distractedly as he quickly tried to skip past all the post-battle cutscenes and get to the next round.

            The whole room went quiet, everyone looking to Dirk. He had immediately realized what he had said and his cheeks and ears turned a bright red in his embarrassment. Roxanna didn't seem angry or upset with him at all; in fact, she seemed happy to be called the maternal title. She gently cut off Dirk's defensive stammering, assuring him, "I don't mind if you call me 'Mom', sweetheart. In fact, I'd be honored if you did." She then directed her smile towards you. "That goes for Duke and Raven, too," she added, before practically singing that dinner was done and we should go help ourselves to a plate.

            Rose and Roxanna were the only two that actually used your dinner table to eat meals; the rest of you sat on the couch with your plates in your laps or on old TV trays. This didn't make it any easier to call out, "Thanks for dinner, Mom," to Roxanna. She made no mention of it, just laughed and told you that you were welcome.

            You watched Bro volunteer to wash the dirty dishes after dinner was over; a definite first, you were sure. "I mean, the Lalondes are guests here and you're still cooking for us. The least I can do is wash all this shit after dinner is done," Bro commented as he got to work.

            "Duke, the language again?" Roxanna prompted. Bro snickered and nodded.

            "Sorry, Mom; I can't promise I'm ever going to get better at censoring myself," he admitted, and Roxanna papped him on the cheek before coming over to sit next to you on the couch.

            "I actually wanted to talk to you about coming back to New York with us for a bit, just to help us sort through your father's things," She began tentatively. You glanced back at Bro and Dirk, who very pointedly had their backs to you. And yet, both brothers had their heads inclined just so to hear your conversation better. Subtle, so amazingly subtle...

            "I don't know how much help I'll be. I didn't know him, remember?" you reminded her.

            "Oh, I know, but I'm sure you can help out! An extra set of hands would be a big help, and... well, there just might be some things that your father set aside. Things that maybe might be better suited to coming back with you, instead of in some old box to sit around and waste away," Roxanna babbled, seemingly nervous. Roxy and Rose were watching their mother with raised eyebrows.

            "Mom thinks D might have left some things for you," Rose translated with a roll of her lavender eyes. You turned back to Roxanna curiously, both eyebrows raised.

            "Yes, _maybe_. I have no idea what he could have left you, though, so don't get too excited," Roxanna warned.

            "Buuuut... he _was_ a famous director, so you might have some cool loot," Roxy smirked, winking at you. You debated for a bit, but finally decided that going to New York for a bit sounded fun, and if you could find out more about your dad that would definitely be a good bonus. The possibility of neat dadly loot was another great bonus, too.

            So when the Lalondes went back home, you packed up and came too. "Don't burn down the apartment or strife each other to death, please? I'd like to come home to my house and brothers all in one piece," you told them.

            "No promises," Bro deadpanned. Did you expect any differently, though?

            "What are we gonna do without our precious baby sissy for a whole week?" Dirk teased, dramatically draping himself over your shoulders.

            "Maybe not call me that?" you groused, shrugging him off. Dirk snickered and gave you a noogie, which was much preferred to the girly petnames, albeit just as annoying to you. You waved them goodbye, inwardly wondering if they were going to miss you as much as you would miss them...


	2. Parkouring Just Like Papa

            The Lalondes' house was, well, not really considered a _house_. It was a _mansion_ , actually, and you wondered how much of it was your father's money and how much of it was Mom's.

            "If you are wondering, the Lalonde Manor was actually financed by _our_ father, not yours," Rose spoke up, black painted lips curled smugly.

            All three of the Lalonde women reminded you of cats; elegant, prim, agile, and dangerous in a mysterious sort of way. It would be intimidating if you hadn't also seen how utterly _ridiculous_ they could be, like how Roxanna _literally_ jumped on the kitchen counter at the mere mention of a spider. You have also seen Roxy laugh so hard she cried, ran off to the bathroom, and continued to laugh and cry on the toilet while accusing you of almost making her piss her pants. And, when you and Dirk snatched Rose's fanfiction from her hand and proceeded to act it out to the whole family (skipping the many erotic scenes, because ew you weren't going to act that shit out with your brother), you watched Rose scream into her pillow and dramatically kick her feet.

            You lost your train of thought. Oh, yeah, the Lalonde Manor. "It's huge," you commented, since that was really all your brain could think about. Rose laughed, covering her mouth with her hand in a way that reminded you of those smug, sassy anime girls.

            "Yes, it's much larger than it needs to be. Mom built her lab shortly after our father died, so she didn't have to travel to work at the nearby laboratory," Rose agreed.

            Mom leaned over to mock whisper in your ear, "my laboratory is better stocked than that other one _ever_ was." She winked at you and then went to unlock the front door. Roxy pointed up high, at the round top of the tower.

            "That's the observatory! D added it when Mom said she liked astronomy and the like. We rarely use it the way it's intended, though. Mostly, Rose and I go up there to hide out, get some peace and quiet, and write," Roxy explained.

            "You mean write porn?" you smirked.

            "I don't just write porn, Raven!" Rose snapped at the same time Roxy smiled and cheerfully said, "Yep!" Rose and Roxy stared each other down, with you caught in between.

            "So, uh, anything else?" you inquired, not really feeling like being caught in the middle of a sister staredown.

            "Yes, there's the mausoleum behind the house, right on the edge of the property," Rose pointed in its general direction. Your jaw dropped and you looked from Rose to Roxy in shock. They both watched you, confused as to why you were so alarmed, until Roxy suddenly understood and doubled over in laughter.

            "Jesus, _no_ , Raven! D is not buried in our fucking mausoleum!" Roxy cackled. Rose giggled, too, and you glared at them both from behind your shades.

            "Nice to see y'all having a chuckle at my expense!" you huffed. "Then who the hell is buried there? Your dad? Grandparents?" you prompted.

            "No one human, I assure you," Rose said, taking your hand and leading you into the house. She pointed at a photo of her and Roxy as little kids, with two black kittens in their arms. "Frigglish died first, poor thing was smashed under a huge book," she sighed.

            "You're gonna make me cry," Roxy sniffled. "My poor Friggy boy..."

            "Roxy wanted to cremate him and spread his ashes in the nearby river. A little while later, Jaspers, overcome with grief, fled our house and threw himself into the river. He-"

            "Wait," you cut Rose off, "Are you insinuating your cat _committed suicide_ because he was depressed his cat brother had died?" You raised an eyebrow over your shades at Roxy.

            "That is one hundred percent _exactly_ what she is telling you right now, and I have yet to seduce if she is being ironic or not," Roxy nodded.

            "It's _'deduce'_ , not _'seduce'_ ," Rose corrected.

            "Seduce," Roxy confirmed stubbornly. Rose rolled her eyes and continued.

            "Anyways, Jaspers' corpse washed up near our house, and Mom and D got a taxidermist to stuff him. Mom used to dress him up in little suits and stuff all the time, but she got a new suit fitted for him, got him one of those tiny coffins, had a funeral for him, and then sealed him in the mausoleum," Rose explained, then added matter of factly, "Mom's dramatic, passive aggressive gestures are meant _solely_ to irritate me."

            "Rose thinks Mom was being passive aggressive, but I truly believe she just really loved animals, especially cats. She tried to get me to have a funeral too, but I just wanted to cremate Frigglish," Roxy shrugged.

            "Girls!" Mom called from farther inside the house. You made a displeased face, meant for only Roxy to see, but Rose noticed it too. She raised her eyebrows so high they might have flown off her face, so you lightly shoved her as if you were a toddler and ran.

            Mom was gesturing you to follow her up the stairs, presumably towards D's room. Did he share a room with Mom, you wonder? They _were_ married, after all. Once you got upstairs, you realized you were probably wrong.

            Directly across from the top of the staircase was a hallway, and at the end of it was a door decorated with pinks and purples and glitter, lots of glitter. There were also glow-in-the-dark plastic stars and, painted in elegant pink cursive, "Roxanna's Room". By then, it was obvious to you whose room it was, even without the painted sign.

            To your left was a black door with various creepy symbols, a menacing Cthulhu type creature, and "KEEP OUT" in big lavender letter that looked like they were dripping with blood. Because Rose was a creepy edgelord, of course. And to your right was a door that contrasted dramatically with its left counterpart. This door was a cheerful pink, with glitter and pictures of kittens all over it. It also had a tiara painted at the top, and "Princess Roxy's Lair" was written using those cheap fake gem things. It looked like it had only recently been decorated this way, and Roxy beamed at it proudly.

            Glancing over your shoulder, you could see that if you bypassed one of the rooms to either side of you and walked around to behind the staircase, directly across from Mom's room was a crimson door that only had D Strider's signature gold-rimmed shades painted on it. Mom noticed you staring at it and smiled at you. "He wanted to draw penises all over his door, too, but I convinced him not to," she admitted.

            "I'm sure you're thinking about it, and the answer is _'no'_. The legendary Dave Strider did _not_ , in fact, just walk around to his door," Rose stated simply, almost immediately after you wondered just that. She freaked you out when she practically read your mind like that.

            Mom let out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head. "He was always pulling dangerous stunts as a shortcut to his room," She huffed disapprovingly.

            "Hardcore parkour!" Roxy whooped excitedly, before adding to you, "Mom throws a fit when I do it, though, so don't even-"

            Before she even finished her warning, you grabbed the banister separating the stairway from the floor of the second floor, swinging onto it. Mom shrieked your name and then, presumably, covered her mouth as you used the banister railing as a sort of monkey bars, inching towards the crimson door. Once you were close enough, you hoisted yourself up until you were sitting on the railing facing the Lalonde ladies.

            "I can see why he preferred the parkour method; that was hella fun," you grinned. Mom had gone pale watching you, hand still clapped over her mouth, but when you spoke she crossed her arms and glared at you, face going a bit red as she probably attempted not to run over to you and throttle you...

            "Raven Elizabeth Strider, don't you _dare_ do that _ever again_!" She snapped. You shrugged and then flipped backwards over the railing and onto the second floor, standing in front of your dad's door. Mom went the long way around, fumbling with the keys and giving you another scolding look as she passed you to unlock the door. Roxy and Rose appeared on either side of you.

            "Dude, no joke, I thought Mom was going to beat your fucking ass," Roxy told you solemnly. You glanced Rose's way, waiting for her input. She glanced at her mom to make sure they were far enough that she wouldn't be heard, then smirked at you.

            "D looked much cooler when he did it," She stated simply.

            Fuck, you bet he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, a question that might pop into your mind is.... "Was Roxanna D's beard? They have separate rooms..."
> 
> The answer is no, D was bisexual and loved his wife, and he liked having a place to be alone and store all his shit. Usually he slept with Roxanna in her room, but when his insomnia was acting up, he would go into his room and make music or whatever until he passed out. And he always got banished to his room when he was sick and Roxanna didn't want to catch his sickness lol
> 
> This probably won't be touched on at all in the actual series, but I thought I would clear it up. /fingerguns


	3. Dead Men Give No Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get sappy and kinda sad. Also, Raven ditches her pointy shades for her dad's signature aviators!

            God, your dad was a goddamn hoarder, you swear.

            "Isn't this a little small for a grownass man?" you asked, holding up a pretty small white shirt. As you inspected it, you noticed the picture of a record on the front. It was kinda cool looking, actually.

            "Language, Raven," Mom chided, before taking a look at the shirt. "Mm, yes, that's a shirt from when he was a young teenager. Maybe a bit older than you are now? It looks like it would fit you, though; you should take it!" She urged.

            "Why did my dad keep his shirts from when he was a teenager?" you scoffed, tossing it into the box of things you were taking back home with you anyways. Mom chuckled and waved her hand.

            "Nostalgia, I suppose! He was a very sentimental man, your father. Though he didn't like anyone to know it," she explained. You hummed thoughtlessly to yourself as you continued to dig through his shit.

            "Aw man!" Roxy exclaimed suddenly from further inside Dave's huge closet. She held up a skateboard designed to look like the Unreal Air from one of his movies. "This is so rad! Mom, can I keep it??" Roxy looked to Mom excitedly.

            "We agreed that Raven could keep anything from D's hoard that she wanted, remember?" Mom replied gently. Roxy slumped dejectedly.

            "Aww, poopy," she grumbled, begrudgingly handing off the skateboard into your excited grabby hands.

            "Fuck yeah!" you cheered as you added it to your box of sweet loot. Mom began to remind you again to watch your language, but was cut off when you pulled out a katana just lying on the floor under some more shit.

            "Holy shit!" Mom yelped as she jumped back, completely forgetting her own warnings.

            "I'm keeping this," you stated simply, setting it carefully in the box.

            "Like hell you are!" Mom snapped, crossing her arms to show you she meant business. You almost caved, too; The Mom Look was pretty intimidating, especially to a kid that never experienced it as a young child.

            Rose chimed in for you, echoing Mom's earlier words, "Mom, we agreed that Raven could keep anything from D's hoard that she wanted." Mom grumbled under her breath but thankfully relented.

            "OH MY GOD!" Roxy suddenly shrieked from the very back of the closet. You dropped the piece of useless shit you were holding and bolted to her, alarmed, but stopped when you saw what she had shouted about.

            Roxy had moved a rack of clothes and uncovered turntables. They looked brand new, too, likely never used by the look of things. Dirk had turntables that were pretty similar, but his were scratched and worn down from years of use. You had wanted a set of turntables of your own, but instead you got a bunch of equipment to make remixes on. Turntables were too expensive, and you reasoned you could just use Dirk's if you wanted to make you own ill jams.

            Roxy was holding a card in her hand, reading what was written inside it, as you ran a hand along the side of the turntables in awe. "Raven, dude, this is _for you_ ," Roxy explained, eyes wide and a wide grin on her face.

            "For... for me?" you asked, pointing to yourself stupidly.

            "Yeah, apparently D bought it for your birthday or Christmas or something, but he was, in his words, ' _too chickenshit_ ' to actually ship it to you," She continued, glancing down at the card before she noticed something behind you. "Hold up, there's a box with your name on it behind you," she noted, eyebrows furrowing.

            You whipped around fast enough to be in danger of getting whiplash, eyes landing on the box in question. With shaking hands, you reach for the box and set it down on the ground, opening it up and peering inside.

            The first thing you saw were a pair of aviator shades identical to your dad's signature pair. A note and a letter of authentication stated that these actually _were_ his signature shades. Dave wanted to give them to you, figuring you might inherit the ' _fucked_ _up Strider photosensitive eyes_ ', so the shades he had been wearing for the past few years were replicas. The real shades, given to him by Ben Stiller, were boxed up here. _For you_.

            You tossed your old pointy shades aside and replaced them with the aviators almost reverently. Underneath the shades was a t-shirt similar to the one earlier. This one, however, was a white baseball shirt with red sleeves, and the record design on the front was cracked in half. Another note stated that Dave had bought the shirt as another unsent gift after he saw it in a store and was reminded of his old shirt from when he was a teenager. Again, you quickly took your shirt off and replaced it with the new shirt; a difficult feat with your shades still on, but remarkably easier than when you wore pointed shades.

            When you looked to Mom and the girls, you finally noticed that Mom was watching you in tears. Rose was looking at you sadly as well, and Roxy's head was hung mournfully. "Mom?" you asked hesitantly.

            Mom swiftly wiped at her tears, smearing watery mascara across her cheek as she gave a shuddery laugh. "You look just like your dad, Raven. He would be so happy if he could see you now, you know," she tried to smile reassuringly, but her bottom lip trembled violently. "I-I think I need to step out for a moment," she whispered before hurrying out of the closet.

            "I didn't mean to make her cry," you mumbled softly, instantly feeling guilty. You were so wrapped up in the gifts you never got from the father you never knew, you forgot that you were with his wife and stepchildren; the family that _knew_ him. The family that loved and lost him, whereas you didn't even know what you didn't have.

            Rose shook her head, taking your hand and pulling you into a hug. "You have the right to grieve for him just as much as we do, Raven," she reassured you gently, doing her mind reading thing again. You appreciated it more this time.

            Rose pulled back just enough that she could look you in the face. "We've been apart for so long when we should have been together, but it's neither here nor there. You are our sister... or whatever title you should choose," she added meaningfully, giving you a knowing look.

            "Come on, Rosie. You gave me time; give her some, too," Roxy finally spoke up, draping her arms across both your shoulders in a three-way hug. "She's right, though. We're siblings, and we're gonna love and support you, forever," she added, nudging you and giving you meaningful look almost identical to her sister's.

            "This is getting really sappy, can we go paint our nails and braid each other's hair or start a pillow fight in our undies?" you inquired, feeling your cheeks and ears burn in both embarrassment and insecurity. Roxy snorted and gave you a playful noogie before they dropped the subject.

            For now, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's weird to misgender and deadname Dave. I'm thinking next work in the series is going to be his coming out story, though, so there's that. Stay tuned for more!


End file.
